Im Sorry Father for I have Sinned.

Ok i know the title is really strange. but ya. I am no religious. actually im quite the opposite, im atheist. Ya so the title is only that way because it seemed like an appropriate title. I was thinking today how people go to "confession" so they can talk to someone about something they did wrong, a way to repent and feel better about something you've done i guess. This has been changed alot over the years, nowadays most people just talk to their friends about their problems and issues and through a mutal (hopefully) understanding they can come to a way to solve your problem, make it easier, or just cheer u up even without fixing an issue. You know what they say 2 heads are better than one (T not WSS *Dion™*). With the gathered wisdom, experience, and knowledge of you and your friends you can always make something easier.
So back to the point of this blog. I want to do a sort of...confession of sorts i guess. So ya i'll start it the way they do. And no i am not mocking the christian religion i just think the way they start their confession is appropriate. So here goes. I am sorry father for i have sinned,
Ok i just stood there for 5 minutes not knowing how to continue that so i'll just get right down to the chase. I maybe misinterpreting these but i've done a form of these sins. I've conducted in the use of greed, envy, and sloth.
They say in greed involve behavior of deliberate betrayal, treason, or disloyalty. They say envy is when you resent another for something you dont have. They say sloth originally ment to mean saddness or depression, but not of the usual kind but rather when one neglects the good so they can purposely wallow in the saddness.
Now I am not one to get super emotional all the time. So when i decide to i would like to be taken seriously. My betrayal in a way was to my friends. Yes my friends, in a note i wrote previously i stated that i disliked/hated all the people in my school except for a hand full of people. Well i recently lost this hand full of people. My note may have been written with such harsh words the fact that i mentioned a "hand full" of people may have been ignored, but that is no excuse. I always talk of how i wish to move away and go to a college out of state and drop everything i had here. well that is not entirely true. I dont wish to leave just because of the people here actually thats not even a large reason y, rather my main reason y is so i can gain a independence, and maybe forgive my dad for all the horrible things he's said and done to me, my sister, and my mother. But truely i've always wanted a reason other than my family to come back down and see where my life started and where i was brought up. You were those people and i was too stupid to say it our loud in fear of embarassment. I was envious, of you guys, that you guys could say or do anything to Sunny and everything was just a joke or "thats just how they are" well y is then that when ever i decided to say one thing, i felt and was treated like i had just killed a new born baby? but that was not a serious issue. And my last of choosing to be depressed or not accepting the happy things around me is my final sin. i chose to not see the good around me mainly becuase i felt as if i did then there was going to be an issue with leaving. I still have every intention of leaving this place when i graduate, but i was hoping i'd still have a reason for coming back after i leave.

School

Oh wow how to describe this ever so dreadful topic. Well i kno all of u are with me when i say taht i hate school and school life hahaa. But i think im in quite a situation. I kno everyone knows how i feels to be surrounded by people at school but feel completely alone along with having little to no real friends there. My story tho is a lttle different. So u guys kno about that girl i helped out who was being harrassed in i think my last blog? well i talked it out with her and she forgave me even kno techniquely i didnt do anything rong. Well right after that she decided to become good buddies with the very people that were jerks and harrassing her. wow. anyway ya so she goes and become their friend. and becuase i stood up for her they all hated me now. well the "leader" of that pack i guess hates me and ignores/ourcasts me making the rest follow like little scared dogs. Well she called me up the other day asking me y i dont talk or hangout with them anymore and that it seemed like i was so close with them and i just let it go. I told her why but she told me that i should give them a chance because they are nice people and that i should try to be friends with them again becuase i never know if they can actually listen to how i think and feel without insulting or making fun of me. She then continued to lecture me on how i am so bitter. yes bitter. apparently my prejudice and hate for the immature and annoying insensitve people school made me a emo bitter guy. and i should get over it. She told me "i kno your internet friends are great but wat is it about them that makes u hate people here so much?" well i didnt answer that but the truth is that you guys are just better than them. You guys listen, care, and are mature, but immature when its time to just joke around and have fun. you guys are just u and know when to be serious. they dont. She asked me how i could possibly know that i told her i've known them long enough and tried it once b4. and she told me that maybe i should try again and seriously sit them down and talk to them. It was like she didnt hear a single word i was saying. that annoyed me. she then goes on and says one line that just pissed me off "if you really were a good friend to them u'd at least try". She tells me im not a good friend to them because i didnt at the first sight of trouble try to save a friendship that they broke? they are the ones that outcasted me i didnt attack their moral values, im not hte one who sits there and talks and laughs just ot purposely attack me. The differnce in my situation from most others is this, im not alone at school because i dont like to talk to people at my school cuz i kno what they act like, nor is it becuase i have friends who dont really know me and i just talk to them but the conversations are empty to me. No for me. Im outcasted, and hated. I am alone because i am shunned and rejected. and to me thats worse than jsut feeling lonely, that being attacked WHILE being alone. They took everyone from me. i introduced everyone to that group and they loved it so much now when one outcasts me. they all did. Its not even just at school, i go to school and endure the attacks by these people. i go home and get stressed out by upcoming requirements from both school and the S.A.T's along with dealing with my dad and his constant discouraging and hurtful comments. There isnt much for me to have highspririts for. But amazingly im only hurt alittle.
I just pop my ipod on every moment i can during school, listen do my work go home do homework deal with my dad and then the best part comes next. i talk to my friends ^-^ my Skype peepz who always keep my spirits high, and a plus is of course talking to my sister on the phone alone with my mom when ever she stops by to check up on how i'm doing after my dad bashes on me.
Oh well i guess it only hurt now becuase im not used to this kind of stuff. OH well i've never been one to get all emo about these things. i'll endure, and survive, long as i got u guys and my family i sure i'll be fine
OH and i also feel bad because there's this person that i think aobut alot. She's great but i think the fact athat feel these things about her are causing her issues. I dont want that and i am curious all the time of how she feels about me, but i dont ever want to ask or even know becuase i kno it will cause more issues for her -.-
Nothing's easy for me is it -.-'
Until next time ~ Sonny Maeng

3.6 billion / 1 million = three thousand six hundred?

This will be short lol, just a random thought you know how people say "your one in a million" well there are 3.6billion people on the planet so does that mean there are 3,600 others JUST like u out there? so i guess when our bf/gf says "your one in a million" you say, so u have 3,600 other potential people if this doesnt work out. lol

Stupidity + Friends + Jerks = Headache...

Alrite blog number 2 never thought i'd have something to say in just one day, but i guess its possible >.> Anyway moving on today was a more so annoying day than others. My supposedly "Best friends" at school just reminded me how much of they suck today. Well a girl i used to like and now think of as a little sister walks up to me asking me why i have just assholes for friends (excuse my french) and coincedentally wore my "Nice-Guy" shirt today. Well first things first, i was wondering y she would say that about my friends, well i found out. She has a class with my "group of closests friends" and one of them had apparently attempted to look down her shirt to see her boobs. I got angry. Apparently RIGHT after she caught him doing that my other friend come and says "so your like a C-cup right?" and the other says "Can i see um?" and jokely approachs her like he is going to grope her. To confirm i approached my "friends" to see if all these things were true, and not only did they admit it, they laughed while telling me, they even added that they got latex gloves blew um up and put um in their shirts and surrounded her and harrassed her about it. wow. They knew she was close to me and i told them to stop or else. Their response? "wow u'd choose that hoe over us? stop being emo u kno u'd wanna get in on that too"....wow fuck off (screw the french i was pissed at this point). One by one they approached me attempting to explain y they did wat they did, their responses? "ya man i dunno but i told alot of people to check her out too isnt that hilarious?", "Ya she caught me it made it awkward for her not me, but i think i saw something hahaa", and lastly "Yo you shoulda hit that when u had the chance hahaha she has some nice ***". wow. it was clear it was bothering me and yet they didnt seem to give a shit. wow. In attempt to help her out i approached her to not only apologize to her but try to comfort her. She told me this "Go fuck off your just as bad as the rest of um, heh nice guy my ass". She was hurt, i dont understand how u can torture someone like that, even if she didnt show she was in pain how could u just keep doing that? I dont kno, but if this continues for just one more day, i swear some people are going to hurt. I'll GIVE them a reason not to tease her anymore that. I PROMISE you. But moving on from that subject i got annnoyed some more mainly by "depressed girls" who approach me tell me how they hate Valentines day and that they are "done with guys for a while". Wow its just another day, get over it. and Next "over guys"? ya cuz that always solved all ur issues, a few heart breaks doesnt mean all guys are bad just think more of who your about to make a committment to, dont just get excited cuz he's cute and seems "nice" be sure then accept and it will prolly work out more than wat u have been doing. I dunno maybe i have no right to give advice, but regardless 2 things learned today, first, Stupidity + Friends + Jerks = Headache... and second, if those fucks mess with her again i'll fuck with them, call me overprotective but no one makes a girl cry, hate me, and laugh at her without me fucking them up especially after they knew they shouldnt have, u have no remorse? i wont either.

Destiny?

Well today a friend of mine showed me her blog and inspired me i guess into writing a few of my own. Blogging seems like a nice way to express my deepest thoughts without having to give a full out explanation to everyone i know one at a time. So as everybody knows the big 2/14/-- is coming up and some are going nuts about what they are doing, some are going nuts on who they are doing it with, some are going nuts about finally confessing their "love" for someone thinking that since its a romantic day it will up their chances, and some are just saying "eh" or "oh dang i forgot about that". Me? well i have no idea where i stand. I can tell u that i don't stand in the "wat am i doing and who am i doing it with" mainly cuz i dont have a girlfriend or anyone special in mind at the moment so i'll prolly be spending the day with the "eh" and "oh i forgot about that day" people. As for confessing well, i do like someone, i guess, not really sure wat it is at the moment actually, maybe just a thought that will lead to nothing? or a thought that will lead to feelings, who knows? i sure a hell dont. while thinking about this i came across a statement that a lot of people may think about but never really talk about out loud. And that statement well, rather a question is "Do you believe that there is someone out there Destined for you?". I wondered for the longest time about taht question. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, meaning of course never a relationship and i was wondering, is there someone out there for everyone? I hear it all the time that "Dont worry u'll find a girl JUST right for you and u'll be happy and it'll work out fine." and "Oh she just wasnt the one dont worry theres somebody out there for everyone u wont be alone forever" and those statements as annoying and over played as they are made me think. Is that true? people die alone all the time and people try to find their soul mates all the time and find a group of people that just end in heart ache. Or some that dont look for it at all just bump right into their soul mate that it works out fine. So i wonder. is there a such thing as being Destined for someone? and if so do u have to search for it or does it just come by randomly. i have no idea but at the moment i just wonder, will i ever know wat i feels like to have someone out there whos thinks about and dreams aobut u like u do? will know wat it feels like to kno somewhere someone cares for me as much as i do for them? and will i ever know what i feels like to never truely feel alone just because i thought of her? eh who knows for now i'll just keep livin life and having fun. You wont find it if u look for it. who knows maybe it'll just randomly happen.