Before I begin I had a thought... will there ever be a day where i write a blog about something happy? or even something random? i mean this blog isnt going to be a depressing or angry one like the ones i wrote before its just not a happy one either.
Getting on with it though i've been thinking for a while about time. Its something that effects all of us equally at the same pace. It is the one universal fact in the world, time moves forward, with or without u. For many time is scary because they have to find a job, survive on their own, family memebers pass away, friends leave, relationships end, etc. these are all things people are scared of as time goes by and they dont even realize it until it hits them in the face one day that they are alot older than they felt or remembered.
For me, my fear comes from clearly the future. As a Junior in Highschool i have to think about what college im going to apply to, wat im going to major in, how i can manage my time to keep my grades and SAT's up so i can even get to the college i want, keep up with my friends as much as i can, and find time for my family and my wondering relationship (we're doing great). What scares me is typical tho. I woke one morning going, wow how quickly did i grow up. Well this comment to be became funny and ironic becuase i grew up at the same pace i always had. But regardless i felt like life was coming at me like a train and the slightest move i make will determine if that train tears me to shreads, knicks me, or i avoid it completely. So far i've already decided wat colleges i plan on applying to, took my SATs in hopes for a 2100 or above *Prolly got like 1800+ tho...* but everything else seems to be attacking me like paranas.
My grades have never been and currently arent that great. there barely even mediocre. and i tell myself that i have been trying my hardest but i kno i could try harder, but im afraid of sacrificing time with my friends. I kno my friends would understand if i was to study more and not get online/talk as often but a part of me is scared that things wont be the same. Now dont get me rong im not afraid of change, im afraid of losing anymore friends than i already have this year. The people i've met in the last 6 months have changed my life so much. and i've grown to love them as only a boy could love a second family. I have always been one of a worry wart. I worry that if i make a mistake my relationship will crumble like all the others i've seen around me. And everyone always tells me "no one ever stays with their first forever" but as a idiot i hope and wish, yes wish that it will and i plan on making that wish come true myself. But being a worry wart has made me dramaticly paranoid that if i was to be gone for a LONG time and spend a very small amount of time with the people i care about they will forget me, like others have. i kno they arent like others but i still worry, im caught between school and my friends, but i kno deep down if i didnt talk to them my grades wouldnt improve all too much or even at all. I dunno i am confused, but i think if i practice my time management better i can balance school, colleges, SAT, Friends, and my girlfriend. Ugh the pressure just thinking about it makes me tense and scared -.-.
Well the future is coming whether i like it or not and as long as i'm happy i think i'll be fine with where i end up.
For now i'll just enjoy the present. for as long as i can.
